Mosquitoes are the bane of my existence. I get bit everywhere: indoors, outdoors, at dawn, dusk, noon, and midnight, on my toes, feet, legs, arms, shoulders, hands, ears, and face, with or without bugspray, garlic, or head-to-toe clothing; at all times and in all places, those revolting, blood-sucking, vampire bugs find me and eat me! I currently have about fifteen bites, and as each one heals, a new one always manages to take its place. The worst kind are the ones that are near a bone (such as the one currently on my left foot), because they turn into painful bruises that hurt especially when one tries to put on such things as shoes or rollerblades.

For those of you whose lives are blissfully free of such tortures, let me explain to you some of the other facts that I have learned, being myself the Hard Rock Cafe of Bugland.
--Most of the time, bug bites only itch when something touches them, be it a skirt, bed covers, hair, or a slight breeze; however, when one attempts to exercise, all the bites on one's body begin to itch of their own accord, and continue to do so heartily until the exercise has ceased for approximately one hour.
--Sleeping is especially difficult with bug bites, and they can in fact wake you from a sound sleep just by itching.
--Mosquitoes, while sufficient to cause much suffering, are not the only bugs able to bite people; in fact, in Nampa, on my very own walking route, there are some very persistent black biting flies, for whom ordinary bug spray is not a deterrent. Only large amounts of bug spray with at least 25% Deet will discourage them, and then only from landing, not from hovering in the general vicinity of the legs in large numbers.
--Bananas, apparently, are appealing to mosquitoes, according to one of my friends. (Unfortunately, after hearing this, I seem to have developed an irresistible craving for bananas.)
--Cutter Bug Spray, which claims to "Make You Invisible To Bugs," is not satisfactory for individuals like myself. I need a bug spray labeled: "Will Make Bugs See You From A Mile Away And Fly In The Other Direction!"
--It is common knowledge that mosquitoes live outdoors, near standing water, and that they come out at dawn and dusk. However, all of these rules can and will be broken when a particularly tasty person is nearby as I proved when I got bit on the shoulder while washing dishes (with running water) indoors, at noon!
--When one has been newly bitten, not only does the new bite begin to itch at once, but every other pore in the body begins itching in sympathy, with the expectation of also being bitten.
--Even in death, mosquitoes are revolting; smashing them in the act only smears blood and bug guts across your arms and legs, depriving you even of an otherwise rather comforting form of revenge.

I hope this post has been informative for everyone. In closing, I leave you with a few more quotes from Dracula, which I read last year in Tammy's class and which seems to be painfully appropriate:

"Despair has its own calms."

"The whole bed would have been drenched to a scarlet with the blood the girl must have lost..."

"No man knows till he has suffered from the night how sweet and dear to his heart and eye the morning can be."

Labels: rants

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Sunday, August 01, 2004

Happy Day-After-My-Birthday To ME