Thursday, April 28, 2005

Here is a strange dilemma I have: It's 10am. I don't have class until 2pm. Where do I go to study? Of course, I can study for a half hour or an hour anywhere...sitting on the floor in the hallway outside my classroom, the bench in front of the library, outside on the grass, my car... But we're talking about four hours of uninterrupted, intense mental engagement with a series of words printed on a page. It requires the right environment.

You would think that, being on a college campus, I would have a plethora of options. Allow me to elaborate...

The ideal study environment is a small round table with a clean, polished surface, and a wooden chair with a high back; also clean, without padding, and at a good relative height to the table. This table and chair should be outdoors if it's nice out, but with optional shade; indoors if it's cold out, but near a large window. They should be in a public place, where there is a low level of conversation and other noise--enough to keep me from drifting off, but not enough to distract me. There should be natural light from the window as well as some softer electric lighting. The surrounding walls and decorations should be either understated, with soothing colors, or hip in an artsy, Starbucks way. There should be something to drink available (or allowed), but not as a required purchase.

So, the problem stands thus:

School Library: padded chairs--leads to sleeping
no drinks allowed, unless they are in covered, reusable containers...aka Nalgene bottles, which I don't have.
not enough coming and going noise--also leads to sleeping
square tables--just somehow irritating to me
no tables at all near the windows--just padded comfy chairs

Elsewhere on campus: No tables, just benches.
Not clean
People smoking

Starbucks (or other coffee shop): Ideal except what if I have no money, or am not hungry.

Public Library: see above


My house: too much silence
no round table
not enough big windows
too many distractions (television, dirty dishes, cookbooks...)
appears untidy and messy even after being cleaned because of the disunity of
decorations

Laugh all you want, but this is an issue for me. It leads to lots of wasted time through indecision or the problems I've discussed, such as falling asleep in the library while I'm supposed to be studying, washing dishes at home instead of studying, unable to focus because of lack of natural light, etc. See, here I am writing a blog post for a half hour instead of finding a seat 50 feet away and reading my Prose Merlin. [But the seats are padded and in sight of no windows...] What's a girl to do?

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Posted by: DVE / 10:00 AM
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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

So I always go to "Do Thy Research" and take whatever random online quiz she's recently taken, because they're all so interesting. Here's the latest. What obsolete skill are you? (I'm pretty proud of my results in this one):

You are 'regularly metric verse'. This can take many forms, including heroic couplets, blank verse, and other iambic pentameters, for example. It has not been used much since the nineteenth century; modern poets tend to prefer rhyme without meter, or even poetry with neither rhyme nor meter. You appreciate the beautiful things in life--the joy of music, the color of leaves falling, the rhythm of a heartbeat. You see life itself as a series of little poems. The result (or is it the cause?) is that you are pensive and often melancholy. You enjoy the company of other people, but they find you unexcitable and depressing. Your problem is that regularly metric verse has been obsolete for a long time

Ha ha ha ha ha...
Posted by: DVE / 9:49 AM
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Saturday, April 23, 2005

I'm just adding this because BackBlog only allows 5 feedbacks per entry apparently. So if you want to comment on the previous post, here you go...
Posted by: DVE / 2:18 PM
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Friday, April 22, 2005

Three Types of Men 

I was browsing over at Marshmallowy Goodness (one of my favorites of my new blog links--also Do Thy Research is always entertaining and witty) and I came across her link and post about a wonderful book that is certainly going on MY Amazon Wish list: Created to be His Helpmeet, by
Debi Pearl. Ms. Pearl informs us that there are basically three types of men: Mr. Command Man, Mr. Visionary, and The Steady Man. Once you've identified the type of man you are married to, you can follow her advice to make sure you stay married to him forever:

Successful Wife’s Summary
a) The wife of Mr.Command can heal her marriage by
becoming his adoring Queen; honoring and obeying his every (reasonable and
unreasonable) word. She will dress, act, and speak so as to bring him honor
everywhere she goes.
b) The wife of Mr.Visionary can heal her marriage by
laying aside her own dreams and aspirations and embracing her role as help meet
to her man, believing and being willing to follow the path he has chosen with
joyful participation.
c) The wife of Mr. Steady can heal her marriage by
joyfully realizing what a friend, lover, and companion she has been given and
living that gratitude verbally and actively. When she stops trying to change
him, he will grow. She can, then, willingly take up tasks that will fill her
time and give her husband joy and satisfaction when he sees her productiveness.


You see how valuable this kind of information is? How else would you married people know how to keep your husbands' approval?

However, I have a slight bone to pick with Ms. Pearl's analysis of men. I have to say that I think she's been out of the loop for awhile. Since she's been off in Married-People Land, guys have changed. And what about those of us still out here in the cold world, forced to pursue a career because we haven't found a man yet to marry us? Is her advice relevant for us? What are we to do?

Well, I'm no Debi Pearl, but I think I can find it in me to adapt her advice just a little to make it relevant for today's sad single girl. There are still three types of guys out there, and they are still fairly easy to understand, if you really apply yourself. In fact, luckily for us, many young guys have inherited the medieval, oops--I mean chivalrous, ideology of male/female relations from their fathers and grandfathers, so no fear of their going soft and adopting progressive, liberal notions of equality. Granted, there may be a few rogue exceptions to the following categories, but luckily they're all already married...or gay. So pay attention: How to marry Idiot Guy, Frat Guy, or Center-of-the-Universe Guy in three months or less...

Idiot Guy:

I hardly need to tell you that "Idiot Guy" is only a term of endearment among us girls. It will never do to call Idiot Guy this to his face. In fact, perhaps we should change our term to something a bit more manly, like Brain-like-a-Brick Guy or Super-Dullard. These terms could be safely used in Idiot Guy's presence without arousing any suspicion of their true meaning.

To build a strong relationship with Idiot Guy, communication is key. Therefore, do not use any words of more than one syllable or five letters. Also, be completely literal at all times. Metaphor, irony, and sarcasm are likely to confuse Idiot Guy and cause misunderstanding, which is one of the leading causes of break-up. Never appear to be smarter than Idiot Guy, through your behavior, body language, decisions, or speech. This may involve wearing a t-shirt with a phrase like "Bootylicious" emblazoned across it, punctuating every sentence with both "like" and "omigod," and confining yourself to the following conversation topics:
1. football: appropriate phrases include "kicks ass" for "good" teams, and "totally sucks" for "bad" teams. However, do not appear to know more about the game than him, because it might threaten his masculinity. Wearing the jersey of his favorite player to the Super Bowl party is also considered "sexy," I understand.
2. beer: including Coors, Busch, Miller, and Budweiser, but not microbrews, imports, or anything with the name "Arrogant Bastard," naturally. In fact, it's best if you forget that there are any distinctions, and refer to it only as "beer."
3. X-Box: keep up on his latest scores, encourage him that he is a better player than his friends, get excited about the release of new games, no matter how much they might all seem like identical perversions of that ideal video game of yesteryear: Mario Bros. Don't worry about the excessive violence and misogyny inherent in the games--guys are wired to enjoy violence, especially against women--better the X-Box than you. During the hours he spends staring at the screen instead of at you, busy yourself organizing his game shelf(ves) or making him some mid-game snacks.

Naturally, if you engaging in that most fruitless of all activities, the higher education of women, you'll need to drop out--Idiot Guy will need your full attention just to make it out the door with shoes on the right feet. Above all, be gentle. Realize that he is a knight to put up with a presumptuously intelligent woman like you, because even when you are doing your best to sink to his IQ level, your brains are still evident. So be grateful to him. For Idiot Guy, remember, "Hear no evil."

Frat Guy:

I admit to being a bit at a loss to come up with a name for this fellow. Naturally, one does not actually have to be a frat guy to have a frat guy mentality. In fact, the frat guy mentality can extend beyond college for a surprising number of years, depending on the availability of a suitable basement. He can be somewhat difficult to recognize, as his appearance changes drastically throughout the day. From morning to mid-afternoon, you will find Frat Guy most often in his bed. We feel that "hungover" is too strong a term to describe his situation; perhaps "Rebuilding Braincells" or "Recovering Equilibrium" might be more tactful. In the late afternoon, Frat Guy can be found showering and eating Frosted Flakes. (Note: the observant young woman will notice one obvious place she can be of use to Frat Guy--fixing him a hot breakfast at 4 or 5 p.m.) As the evening progresses, Frat Guy will don baggy pants, a t-shirt with at least one four-letter word on it, and exorbitantly expensive athletic shoes (despite the fact that he is not necessarily an athlete); his sobriety from this point on is doubtful at best, so it's wise to approach him with any question requiring a thoughtful answer (such as "Where do you want me to put your laundered socks and underwear?" or "What would you like for breakfast tomorrow afternoon?") before 7 or 8 p.m.

Never, never ask Frat Guy about his ambitions or plans for the future (define future as "anything after the next 10 minutes"). One of the most annoying traits of a woman is her tendency to nag. He will choose a career path when he feels like it...or when people stop having parties... or maybe never. Your role is to wait patiently for him to discover his purpose in life on his own. Remember that if you marry him, you will have to be supported by his parents' income too, so get used to it.

Just between us girls, a tactful girlfriend will realize that Frat Guy is completely obsessed with sex. Well, all guys are, really, but Frat Guy lacks the self-control to hide it. Therefore it is unreasonable for you to expect him to restrain his desire to whistle at female passersby, to grab various parts of said passerby's anatomy, and even to sleep with her if he can manage it. Just realize that he is a guy, unable to control his instincts, and put up with it. In fact, a good attitude for a potential Frat Guy girlfriend is the realization that you bear much of the responsibility for his behavior. After all, you are a woman. By existing, you provide a temptation for him that he may not be able to withstand. Revealing or suggestive clothing, such as a raincoat, parka, pair of sweatpants, or coveralls only intensify your seductive power and heighten your culpability in his inevitable capitulation.

Therefore, a good motto if you wish to be Frat Guy's girlfriend is "See no evil."

Center-of-the-Universe Guy:

A few guys out there have been born with the brains to avoid becoming Idiot Guy and the ambition to bypass the life of Frat Guy. Such guys know they are comparatively rare and sought-after, and thus begin to realize that they are SPECIAL. These guys can sometimes be found in coffee shops, dressed in black and quoting Sartre. They can be found in business departments planning the next uber-corporation. They may not be successful, handsome, well-spoken, or profound, but the believe they are. Important: Don't disenchant them! Flattery will get you everywhere with Center-of-the-Universe guy; in fact, you may want to tone it down a little, because the danger of head explosion is a factor. Many a well-meaning girlfriend has dropped the perfect compliment, only to suddenly find herself covered in brains and bits of skull. Really, just about anything will do the job--Center-of-the-Universe guy will construe everything you say as a compliment anyway.

In case you ever get caught in a situation with this guy without an appropriate compliment, here are a few generic ones that fit in just about anywhere:
--"You're so manly." This one works because "manly" can be construed as anything the guy wants it to be. It is always welcome because all guys, even Center-of-the-Universe Guy, are constantly doubting their manliness and in need of reassurance.
--"I've never seen anything like it." Every guy likes to feel that he has shown a girl something she's never seen before, even though so few of them do.
--"Did you do that yourself?" The innocent disbelief act works like a charm every time.

Be ready for Center-of-the-Universe guy to occasionally come down with a case of the God-told-me's. This phrase is usually followed by lines like "..that you should quit your job to care for my vast collection of golf trophies" or "...that I have been chosen to lead a large group of disciples in creating an isolated colony in which we will raise leeks and cucumbers using only toothpicks for farm implements." Support Center-of-the-Universe guy in following his special revelation, even if it sounds a little strange. In fact, never disagree with him on any subject, lest you deplete his self-confidence, thus undermining his strongest characteristic. For Center-of-the-Universe Guy, remember to "Speak no evil."

Whew, getting a husband is hard work. Just remember that it is worth it in the end, if you can secure a fat diamond from any of these three types of guys. You'll be on your way to a lifetime of being barefoot, pregnant, and confined to the house, where you can wave a fond farewell to the last remnants of your education, social life, and selfhood as they whirl down the drain of the kitchen sink. Just remember to send a thank you note to Debi Pearl (address it in care of her husband).

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Posted by: DVE / 2:45 PM
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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

"Poems: always a sign of pretentious inner turmoil." --Xander 

A priceless moment from the writing lab:
English learner brings in her paper about "the evils of smoking" for grammatical correction. Paper compares smoking to drinking. Argument leads to listing the possible benefits of drinking, including 1) moderate alcohol can benefit your heath, 2) moderate alcohol "lubricates human intercourse." Hmm. The possibilities of further entendres are so numerous, but I'll restrain myself. Obviously the poor thing meant "facilitates social interaction," and no...I didn't laugh too hard.

I think I mentioned before that I'm doing a recitation and close reading paper on Emerson's "Blight," which is not pretentious inner turmoil, but pretentious tree-hugging. It's Emerson, though, so we'll forgive him. And I can't really rag on Emerson too much when I just went out and bought Annie Dillard's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek yesterday, since Dillard is like a female clone of Emerson for the 20th/21st century. Anyway, it's fun to analyse the poem super-closely. The trouble will be (always is, really) finding a thesis for my paper that isn't stating the obvious too much. All the students who have had this professor before seem to tremble in fear whenever they discuss writing for her, which makes me a little nervous to turn in the first paper. I guess this makes me appreciate first term, since no professor's comments could possibly be worse than those of Sayre on my first two papers. I've already seen the worst it can get and it didn't kill me, so I guess I'll survive this one too. And everyone always adds (when their teeth stop chattering in fear) that the comments were extremely helpful, once they got over the criticism. Oh, goodee.

I'm a sucker for internet quizzes lately, especially when one of my links (in this case Do Thy Research suggests them). Here's the latest: What book am I?

You're The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe! by C.S. LewisYou were just looking for some decent clothes when everything changed quite dramatically. For the better or for the worse, it is still hard to tell. Now it seems like winter will never end and you feel cursed. Soon there will be an epic struggle between two forces in your life and you are very concerned about a betrayal that could turn the balance. If this makes it sound like you're re-enacting Christian theological events, that may or may not be coincidence. When in doubt, put your trust in zoo animals.

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Posted by: DVE / 2:08 PM
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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I went for a walk yesterday. It started out as a walk; it ended with a gift.

I had spent the last few days basically cooped up indoors, trying not to stress out about all the things that are due this week. I think the lack of Vitamin D was affecting me as well because I was feeling so tired and blah that I just wanted to nap the day away.

So, with great self-discipline, I pulled myself off the couch, opened the door and stepped outside. I walked about ten blocks east of my apartment, looking at all the houses and imagining what I would do if I lived in them. Then, as I turned north to begin circling back, a lady came shuffling across the street in my direction. I said hi (it was part of this whole get-out-of-the-apartment thing that I would say hi to everyone I saw), and she said something back, which I couldn't understand, so I gave a courtesy laugh and kept going. But this lady kept talking. I couldn't just ignore her completely, so I slowed down, turned around, and started listening. That's when the fun began.

"I have to hava the danger," she says, referring to her disregard of the crosswalk. "I'ma eighty years old, and I hava the danger. When you are old, you are just like a kid. I draw like a kid too. My English notta too good." I ask where she's from. "Italy. I mova to Sweet Home with my husband." I tell her I'm from Lebanon. "Well, Sweet Home, it is very nice, very neat, but the hospital there is a small. When I hava babies, we take the car very fast to Lebanon." I tell her I'm going to school here, studying literature. "What's that word mean?" she asks. "Sometimes I don't know the words and I have a to aska my husband. I say to him, 'I no profesora. I no profesora. I have to learna da word from a smart ass like you.' ... Excuse me." "No problem," I say, thrilled at my good luck. No longer am I trying to escape her. I'm here for as long as she'll put up with me. "My daughter, she go to school for Social Worker. Study social working or something. But she gets a job and drops out. For money. She gotta good job with money. My son, he went to school for two years to become a policeman. That's all. Just two years. ... So you no quitta schoola! Even for a lotta money. No quitta school." Yes, ma'am. "You are a beautiful girl, very beautiful face. I will let you go ahead now. You walk faster. I'm too old to go so fast." I agree reluctantly. "It was so nice to talk to you, sweetheart."

Indeed.

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Posted by: DVE / 9:43 AM
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Monday, April 18, 2005

Wow, I didn't know I had all this power. I put people in categories based on their blogging frequency, and suddenly there's a general outcry and flurry of blogging so that everyone can be on the good blogger list again. Don't worry, people. I still love you, even if you are infrequent posters. You are all on my good list. I love all my blogger initiates equally.

I love, love, love the OED (That's Oxford English Dictionary for you not lit types). The U of O has an online version, so I've been exploring it today to find the archaic and obselete meanings of some of the words in Emerson's poem, "Blight," which I'm presenting to my Poetry class on Thursday and writing a close reading paper on for Friday. The poem is all about how people use and abuse nature and therefore miss out on all the cool things nature has to offer and teach. Anyway, the OED is so much fun because you get to find out where words come from and see all these cool quotations from old poets and writers. For example, when I first read the lines, "Our eyes/ are armed, but we are strangers to the stars" I thought it probably had to do with the war and plunder imagery from later in the poem, but then I looked up "armed" in the OED and learned that an "armed eye" is an eye aided by a microscope. Tada! Whole new meaning. Isn't this fun?

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Posted by: DVE / 2:20 PM
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Saturday, April 16, 2005

Shout out to my Aunt Darla, who, I learned today, has been reading this blog faithfully for a long time. Hooray for readers.
Posted by: DVE / 3:05 PM
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Thursday, April 14, 2005

Catalogue of Minutiae 

This morning after the 122 class, I went to Starbucks for a cup of coffee. Usually this is a pleasurable experience, but today it was fraught with annoyances. First, when I got my coffee and went to find a seat in the more than usually crowded room, the only seat was at the bar by the window, and the two people on either side had their newspapers spread all out in my area. When I sat down, neither of them made the slightest effort to contain their sprawlage. Grr.

Then I tasted my coffee, which was vile. It didn't even smell like good coffee. So I took it back to the barista, who implied that I didn't know the difference between bad coffee and "robust" coffee. Au contraire! I like strong coffee--I don't like stale, burnt coffee, which was what this tasted like. So he patronizingly gets me an "Americano," which will supposedly be "smoother," and this is better, so I go back to my seat to read Poe's Selected Essays, where behind me are two of those delightful specimens of which Christin has been complaining so much of late--one in particular, vehemently arguing the importance of art, following one's musical calling, etcetera, etcetera for like an hour! Ugh. Strangest of all was the strong similarity in tone between the guy behind me and Mr. Edgar Allen Poe himself. Both pompous, narrow, over-enthusiastic, and deeply critical of everyone not like them.... shall I go on?

Not that males are the only ones who can be annoyingly pretentious. I was talking to a girl coworker in the writing lab yesterday about her favorite TV show, The L-Word, when this sentence came out of her mouth: "I'm as straight as this table, but androgyny facinates me."

Straight face. No joke.

I nodded seriously and said that I needed to work on my homework now, if you don't mind. And that was the end of that conversation.

Bought some highlighters today--that's always fun. Also mailed my taxes--never fun. Still, I have to say that although my mind agrees with my mother that it's better to have to pay money at tax time than to get a refund because then you get to have your money longer, blah, blah...there's really nothing better than knowing you're going to get a large check in the mail very soon without having to do any work for it. It's sort of like finding ten bucks in a coat pocket. It was yours to begin with, but it still feels like a little present from heaven.

In class yesterday, an older student (like 50 or so) gave his presentation in class, and since he was sitting across the table from me, he looked straight at me the entire time. I do realize, of course, the nervousness that comes from presenting, which can lead to not knowing where to look, but it was still pretty unnerving, especially since he has a sort of confrontational way of talking, like he's daring people to disagree. I felt like saying, "Ok, ok, I agree with you, lay off." Yikes. Choosing seats in a seminar of 8 people is a tricky business.

Also, I've been having issues lately of trying to talk in class, but never finding an opening in which to insert my comment. I start to say something and the person across the room starts a half-second earlier and says exactly what I was going to say. Seriously, this has happened probably 8 or 10 times in the past week. And then I feel like the professor thinks I'm not participating, when really I have as good of thoughts as everyone else, I'm just unlucky in the conversation lottery. *Sigh*

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Posted by: DVE / 12:25 PM
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Wednesday, April 13, 2005

My grandparents have been here visiting for the past couple of days. Yesterday they were sweet enough to come out to Eugene and visit me at school. Talk about a crashing collision of the spheres. Let's just say that when conservative Dutch midwest meets liberal hippie Eugene, there are sparks...or fireworks...or some serious magnetic repulsion...or something. I'm searching for a metaphor and nothing is quite working out for me. Suffice to say, it was the violent juxtaposition of two worlds that I've been working so hard to keep separate, and I haven't fully recovered. The truly scary thing is that those two worlds also meet in my own identity, where they also involve intense friction and tumult.

Speaking of tumult, I met with several other first-year students who are also taking the qualifying exam with me next fall. I'm so glad that other people are being so responsible to set up meetings with professors and study groups, because my typical method of dealing with a stressful event (ignore it and hope it goes away) won't help me too much here. So just so you all know, the summer will not provide a restful solace from the stresses of seminar papers: it will simply transfer the stress from paper to test--large test...scary, uber-final test that determines my worth as an literature scholar.

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Posted by: DVE / 2:06 PM
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Monday, April 11, 2005

One more reason why I'm glad I'm a girl:
The Man Date

I found these questions on a blog (a ways down the page) while browsing around today, and although no one sent them to me over email and commanded me to answer them or else, I thought they'd make an interesting topic for today's post.

1. You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451; which book do you want to be?
Isn't there one book that they don't burn in that story--like the fireman manual or something? That's the book I want to be. Boring but safe.

2. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Duh, of course! The only guys worth having a crush on are fictional. Gilbert comes to mind first of all. Then there's Mr. Knightly from Emma. Aragorn from LOTR. I'm pretty fond of Steven from I Capture the Castle. I'll also admit to a partial crush on Jean Valjean, despite the fact that he's like 60 through most of the book. Teddy from Emily. Mr. Darcy. Shall I continue?

3. The last book you bought is...
Well, I recently ordered Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince online, does that count? It will arrive on the release date, of course. Also all my seminar books, but those definitely don't count. Before that, I bought some hard cover Harry Potters because I found them cheap at a garage sale. And before that was all the Thursday Next books.

4. What are you currently reading?
Currently rereading I Capture the Castle, which I can tell right away is going to have greater than normal reread potential. Just finished Middlesex, which was very good. I have to disagree with Christin and say that I liked it better than The Virgin Suicides. Also I'm going to reread The Witch of Blackbird Pond--a children's book.

5. Five books you would take to a deserted island.
  • The Complete Works of William Shakespeare--because a deserted island is the only place where I'll ever get through them all.
  • A very large, blank journal
  • The Lord of the Rings--I think that a good escapist fantasy book would be important on a desert island, although I would probably go crazy in the hot sun and start believing that I am an elf and live on Middle Earth.
  • A combined edition of Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea-- because I'd need some company on a desert island.
  • and I'd probably have to settle for some kind of book that told me what I could eat and how to survive, so that I don't die before I get through Pericles.

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Posted by: DVE / 8:15 AM
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Saturday, April 09, 2005

So tonight we had a surprise birthday party for my mom. It was about a month after her birthday so she'd be sure not to guess. I'm not so much a fan of surprise parties, mostly because it's SUCH a hassle to keep the secret and be all stealthy for days beforehand. But it worked out pretty well in this case. Mom was all surprised; lots of people showed up; good food all around.

In order to prepare for it, all of us kids were more than usually helpful with chores around the house (although trying not to be conspicuously helpful), and I ended up brushing the dog this afternoon--always an ordeal. First, I sent Brenna out to catch her and hold her for me, since she somehow always knows when I come outside if I intend to brush her, and if so, she takes off in the opposite direction before I can so much as take a step towards her. Well, Brenna somehow tipped her off as to our intent, and she hit the road, vanishing into the nursery. Next, I sent out Logan on his bike to find her and bring her back. Ten minutes went by and no dog. So I start walking down the road, catch sight of her a couple hundred yards away, near the rhododendrons, and start walking towards her. She walks faster. I walk faster. She runs. I run. She runs under the fence and into the forest. Which is cheating, in my opinion. So Logan and I climb over the fence and make our way into the forest, brushing aside brambles and thorns. No sign of the dog. We walk all through the forest, taking note of the sleeping bag and shoes that suggest a sometime tenant, fail to find the dog, and return home with our tails between our legs (so to speak). Where Tygger is lying on the front porch, looking as though she has been there all day. Stupid dog.

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Posted by: DVE / 10:02 PM
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The who what-ing how with huh? --Buffy 

I've been browsing lots of interesting blogs this evening and recently came across the Worldview Weekend site , where you can take a test to see if you are a good Christian. I'm grieved to inform you all that I am a bad Christian, having earned only 43 out of 170 points, which puts my smack dab on the borderline between having a "Secular Humanist Worldview" and a "Socialist Worldview." But all is not lost. I can attend a worldview seminar, have my troubling worldview readjusted, retake the test, and get a lovely gold-edged certificate (no kidding.), which will let everyone know that I have become a good Christian.

Here were some of my favorite questions (to which one answers with the agree/disagree buttons):
--When you study the Bible as a whole, it becomes clear that God is very supportive of an economic system that is based on private property, the work ethic, and personal responsibility. [True, naturally. All those verses about how building an uber-corporation takes you straight to the heart of God.]
--George W. Bush is the President of the United States of America. [Is it even possible to "strongly disagree" with a statement of fact?]
--Believers should not only base their philosophy in Christ, but they should know how to respond to the critics and skeptics of Christianity with the reasoning and basis of our biblical worldview. [Is it just me, or is the use of the word "our" here disturbingly dystopian-novelish?]

I think Prof. Grinder had to take one of these tests in his mens' Bible study (help me out, NNU people--didn't he tell us about this in Lit Crit?), and he fell in a similar place as me. My favorite part was that he thought the whole time that he was giving the "right" answers and ended up as an evil secular humanist, poor guy.

People, please go and take this test, because... well, mostly because I want company in my bad Christian corner. And don't forget the dunce caps.

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Posted by: DVE / 12:45 AM
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Friday, April 08, 2005

This is my score from a test on Commonly Confused Words at OkCupid.com. Please allow me to flaunt it here:

English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 100% Expert!
You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!
For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


You scored higher than 72% on Beginner


You scored higher than 71% on Intermediate


You scored higher than 88% on Advanced


You scored higher than 99% on Expert
Posted by: DVE / 11:05 PM
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So. Better? I'm a fan of yellow and purple. And the pink was starting to get to me. How does this look to the people who see the font as Comic Sans? Anyway, no more major changes for awhile--it's too much of a hassle.

Also, I've added a few more blogs. These are newly added and not really thoroughly explored by me yet (Note my use of the passive voice to renounce all responsibility of the content of said blogs.) But I'd like to add some other grad student blogs to my list, and these people have a lot of links... which I will be examining when I have some time.

Grandma and Grandpa are here. Today we went to the Air Museum in McMinnville. I fell asleep on the airplane seats while everyone else wandered around and read the exhibits. Big surprise there. Geron and I decided that all we needed to know about the Spruce Goose we could learn by watching The Aviator.

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Posted by: DVE / 7:53 PM
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Thursday, April 07, 2005

Note: 

Sorry for the ugly clashing purples. I'm changing things up, but I don't have time to do it all at once. Things will get better...
Posted by: DVE / 12:42 PM
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I go online sometimes. Everyone's spelling is really bad. It's depressing. --Willow 

All of us first-years (I feel like a Hogwart's student saying that) are organizing to do some serious studying for our qualifying exams, which we will be taking next fall. Basically, the idea is that we read a representative body of literature from two of the three sections (Early British, Late British, American) and answer a couple--or maybe just one?--broad questions about some kind of literary movement, such as "Explain the development of the term 'romantic' in British literature from ___ to ___." Or some such nonsense. Actually, though, this doesn't particularly worry me. I actually feel that it's the sort of test that I feel most comfortable faking my way through (though I won't--I'll study and everything, don't worry) just because you can easily answer questions like that as long as you have a bit of surface knowledge of a few texts and a good handle on the relevant terms. Am I right? So, I'm not really stressed about it. In fact, I'm almost welcoming the whole idea because it signals that I'm surviving enough to look ahead a few months and plan for my future here.

Oh, I almost forgot. Big news. I have *finally* narrowed down my "area of interest," which means that I can look my advisor in the face when I meet with her, instead of shuffling in and murmuring that "I like everything. I can't decide. Maybe something British... or American...or something..." So my decision is... 19th century poetry, especially Victorian, with an option of bringing in late Romantics and some American stuff--like Whitman, Longfellow, and Dickinson.

I know, it's still pretty broad. But this is a big step for me at this point, and at least it gives me a direction to go, as I plan my course of study. I think it would be interesting to look at the idea of the artistic development of the poet, sort of the kunstlerroman as it's dealt with in poetry--like in Aurora Leigh. (Notice how I just threw in a big grad school word. See how far I've come?) Anyway, it's exciting. I have direction. Very empowering.

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Posted by: DVE / 11:41 AM
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Wednesday, April 06, 2005

I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Huh?" --Buffy 

Today I gave a presentation to my Arthurian Lit class. Last night as I tried to fall asleep, I had terrible anxiety about going to bed so early instead of staying up late to work on it, but I didn't know what I else I could do with it, since the material was limited and the assignment was vague in the extreme. Anyway, so this morning, I get called on first to present (of course. no chance to watch and see what other people do!) and as I open my mouth, I see all these other graduate students pull out their pens to take notes. Notes. On what I'm saying. As though I'm so bloody enlightened. Talk about intimidating.

But as it turned out, everyone liked my cursory, wandering, tentative presentation--at the seminar break, three people complimented me on it, plus the professor. Either they were patronizing me or else I have absolutely no idea what kind of work is acceptable in graduate school. I'm inclined to think the latter. It's as though the rug of my comprehension of my professors' brains (which I seemed to have firmly beneath my feet at NNU) has been pulled out from under me. I never know if a professor will like a particular idea, piece of writing, comment in class, or finished assignment. Sometimes I work hard and they hate it. Sometimes I spend ten minutes and they think it's wonderful. And everything in between. The only common theme is that it seems to be a toss up. Related perhaps to what they had for breakfast or the length of the line at Starbucks. I have no idea. At this point I'm just counting on good karma. I've always turned my work in on time, never plagiarized, and always done my homework. I deserve good luck, darn it.

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Posted by: DVE / 2:25 PM
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Monday, April 04, 2005

In fact, I wish all men except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind disappear off the face of the earth. That would be so cool! --Cordelia 

Ok, I have to add as an addendum to the last post that I really like my brother's girlfriend, Ashley--she's super nice, I'm not being a jerk... just pointing out that lovey-dovey people are ew. That's all. Please don't send me hate mail.

Also, everyone will be thrilled to learn that I organized my bookshelves last night, by size, genre, and author, in that order. It took quite a long while. And I'll probably be moving again in five months, and then they will be out of order again. *sigh* It is really too bad that you can't move bookshelves with the books in them. It's a never-ending battle keeping those darn books organized. Also we are facing a serious problem of overpopulation. However, as with human overpopulation, none of my books are volunteering to get chucked. They all like living with me and have no intention of chancing the brave new world of used bookstores. And I'm pretty fond of them as well. Let's see, 600 books, pretty much all accumulated within the last12 years, that means by the time I'm 40, I'll probably have 1500 books, which means about 12 bookshelves. I'm going to need a bigger apartment.

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Posted by: DVE / 12:04 PM
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Saturday, April 02, 2005

I have a cream of tartar story for you. --Christin 

Okay, so my brother's girlfriend made him a sack lunch today, with little labels of directions and cutesy titles for all the foods, like "Cole-aid" on the juice bottle. Barf factor: 9.5

It just occurred to me that I did not get a single Cadbury egg this Easter season. Nor even one of those candied malt eggs, which are my second favorite Easter candy. Ah, well, next year, I suppose.

Did you know that Emily Dickinson wrote 10,000 letters in her lifetime? I'm inspired. And think, then, of how many she must have received!
Posted by: DVE / 10:12 AM
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