Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Yesterday, I went to the University security office to pick up my key for my new office that I'll be sharing with a fellow grad student. I parked across the street, and since I had zero coins with me and I figured it would only take a second, I decided to take my chances with the parking ticket.

(And no, this is not going where you think it is...)

I stepped into the office and begin filling out the form to pick up my key. I was kind of in my own world (as usual) but pretty soon I began to notice that someone off to my left was talking about someone who hadn't paid the meter. I looked...the woman was talking to me! "You didn't put any money in the parking meter," she said, accusingly. (Pardon the dialog tag. Hopefully one was enough to establish character. You can now imagine "insultingly," "churlishly," "maliciously," "nastily" at the end of the rest of the "she saids.") I looked her up and down. Thirtyish, fat, ugly (which I feel no remorse over calling her because of how she treated me), and with no sign of a parking cop uniform in sight, she glared back at me. "You know, the reason we all have to pay the meter is because of people like you," she said. "Do you think you're better than everyone else?"

"Uh, umm..." I said. (Keep in mind, I'm in the Parking Office, and she has gotten the attention of EVERYONE in the room. I can hardly tell her to sod off in front of the people who give out the parking tickets, can I?) "Well, I didn't have any quarters. I'm really sorry, I would have paid, but I'm out of quarters."

"Well, that's just too bad, isn't it. Everyone else on this campus pays for parking, except for you. You must just be the special one. I can't believe you think you can just leave your car in a space without paying for parking. Unbelievable!"

"Well, I'm really sorry. I had no quarters and I thought it would just take a minute."

"The meter accepts more than quarters, you know. Dimes, nickels...." and she trails off to muttering under her breath. At this point, my face is bright red; I can hardly remember my own name, let alone address, date, and student ID number that I have to write on the form. The whole office has been watching the little show we've been putting on for them. Plus, I'm embarrassed that I've just been apologizing for five minutes to this stupid woman who doesn't matter and isn't the boss of me, darn it! Who does she think she is? I ask the girl behind the counter for the date, and she gives me a sympathetic look and tells me it's the 29th. I write down 9, cross it out and write 8/27/05. I grab my key, push past the hell-witch and run out to my illegally-parked car.

I buckle my seatbelt, check my left side for cars and see... her! Again. Gesturing wildly and yelling at me from the other side of the street. Luckily my windows are up so I can't hear her. I look straight ahead and drive away.

For the first mile, I angrily yell all the things that I should have said to her in the office. Incredibly clever comebacks leap to mind. "Were you absent the day they taught minding-your-own-business?" I should have said. "What is your childhood trauma?" I should have said.

The second mile, I cry, just as angrily, and wish all sorts of evil on her head. May her pets die in gruesome ways. May her paint have lead and her ceilings have asbestos. May her DVD collection spontaneously combust. Then Christin calls me and I tell her all about it and call the evil psycho witch some very nasty names and feel better. I think, I probably forgot to sign the check to the parking office or something. Oh well.

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Friday, August 26, 2005

Confessions of an Arachnophobe 

Last night I had a dream that I fell asleep in an upper bunk and awoke to find that spiderwebs had been spun all around me--in the corners by the ceiling, overhead, and worst of all, between the railing and the ceiling--completely boxing me in the bunk. In the center of all the webs sat fat spiders with long legs, waiting for me to make a move. I reached for a shoe and tentatively swept aside the spider and web directly in front of me, when an unseen spider overhead dropped on my shoulder and began scuttling towards my face... and I woke up, for real this time, panting and gasping, heart pounding, at about 7am.

This nightmare was undoubtedly brought on in anticipation of today's continuation of the housepainting, a job that requires much contact with spiders of various kinds, colors, and sizes. Since I've been working on the house for a couple of weeks, I had been slowly overcoming my fears and even spent a half hour watching a spider spin a web on the picnic table awhile ago. However, today as I quickly stepped up the stepladder by the living room window, I found myself face to...uh, face?....with an arachnid of the worst variety--large, leggy, but with a substantial body, black, and hanging upside down. At the very moment that my face neared the window, the spider dropped on a thread from about a foot above the window, so that the overall effect came so near my dream that I jumped backward, falling off the stepladder, breathless and shaking, compulsively brushing myself off even though the spider was triumphantly climbing back up his thread, having frightened off the giant intruder. Thus, the spider fear is back in full force, and I spent the rest of the day carefully inspecting every surface, weapons in hand, before approaching it with a paintbrush.

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You May Be a Bit Schizotypal ...









A bit odd and socially isolated.

You couldn't care less of what others think.

And some of your beliefs are a little weird.

Like that time you thought you were Jesus.



What Personality Disorder Are You?
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Thursday, August 25, 2005

Just to let you all know I'm not dead 

Got back from Iowa the other day, where I was dropping off Little Sis at college for the first time. During which excursion I said uncountable times, "I would give anything to be a freshman going to college for the first time." Except for the "Welcoming Activities" which are wretched and should be boycotted by all respectable college students.

Today I went to my first quals meeting (despite the fact that I had resolved to go to them all summer). It was helpful but unfun. As is the fact that the quals exams are approaching at an alarming rate (less than 4 wks.) No. I refuse to think about it. It is still summer. Summer will never end and school will never come. So there.

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Monday, August 08, 2005

I'm boring. I'm sorry. I'm a boring boring person and I'm living a rather boring summer. (Which is wonderful for me, but not so much for you all who have to read about it.)

For example, highlights of today include more scraping of the paint on the house and pulling of the nails in the trim. Also many many bees and spiders, none of which came off the better for their encounters with me. (I particularly like the insecticide that will drop a wasp midflight.) The phrase "busy bee" is particularly appropriate to those bees who have set up housekeeping in our eves and dormers. Mom sprayed 8 or 10 nests around the roof the other day, and I sprayed another three or four today for those bees that survive begin to rebuild the moment they find themselves evicted. Note: don't ever ever smash a wasp nest full of eggs. Ew, ew, ew.

Also, I have begun reading Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials series on the recommendation of a coworker. She was even so kind as to lend me a copy of Book 1. After finishing which I went to the library and checked out the next two. It's so fun to find a new series that you can't put down. However, I often find it difficult to start a new series unless I have some incentive (like a persistent recommendation from a friend). It just seems like a lot of effort, I don't know... sometimes I would just prefer for the books I already know and love to just continue on and on forever so I can stay in those worlds and don't have to go introduce myself to new ones. You know?

Another new book in my library is The Big Over Easy by Jasper Fforde (of the Thursday Next series). It's set in the same world as the others, I believe, but focuses on the Nursery Crime Division rather than Literatech or whatever. Our sprightly heroes must discover the murderer of Humpty Dumpty, oh yes.

Also, Christin will be here in a few days and I spent last weekend moving all my kitchen stuff into the new apartment. This means sleeping and showering in the old, then driving over to eat breakfast in the new, but that's an inconvenience I'm willing to put up with for a few days in order to cook in a place that doesn't smell like rotten bananas and the corners of which do not shelter hiding cockroaches. I love my new apartment.

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Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Gotta love those nights where you just have to have that nap after dinner, and then end up staying up until the wee 'smas completely buzzed. 0 comments

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A few recommendations 

Book:

Godless: Uncertain about your choice of religion? Become a Chutengodian and worship the local water tower.

Movie:

A Very Long Engagement: Yet another lovely movie to add to my list of favorite French flicks (also including Love Me If You Dare, Cyrano de Bergerac, Amelie, Jean de Florette). Stars Audrey Toutou along with Marion Cotillard (from Love Me If You Dare and Big Fish), Gerard Depardieu, and Jodie Foster (who, apparently, speaks French).

TV Show:

I've moved on from Buffy... to Angel. Somewhat more adult than Buffy and, amazingly, actually slightly more bizarre. But still fun. I probably won't go out and buy all five seasons of this one. Probably.

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Screeeech!!! 

You, faithful readers, are among the first to hear the news that I have decided to learn to play the violin. Yes, in fact I had my very first lesson today. I learned how to hold the violin and the bow and which direction to move my arms, and how to keep it from making that scratchy sound (in theory). I even managed to scratch out "Fairest Lord Jesus"--albeit with several pauses and many flat notes--by the end.

I plan to get lots of hours of practice in on the days when I'm at my parents' house (because they have to love me, no matter what wretched noises I create) and limit my practice time at the apartment to a minimum until I get a little better so that we can stay on reasonably good terms with the neighbors.

And those of you who witnessed the disaster that was my attempt to learn to play the guitar can contain your snickers a little longer. This is different (...she said defiantly, stamping her foot). There are notes. There are no strumming rhythms to puzzle over while guitar experts tell you you just have to feel the rhythm. I will succeed! (Otherwise I wouldn't have posted about it on the blog.)

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