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Thursday, March 30, 2006
Song currently running through my head:
"We are Siame-ese if you ple-ease / We are Siame-ese if you don't please"
What can I say... yesterday it was the Kyrie. Evidence of my schizophrenic mind. 0 comments
"We are Siame-ese if you ple-ease / We are Siame-ese if you don't please"
What can I say... yesterday it was the Kyrie. Evidence of my schizophrenic mind. 0 comments
Monday, March 27, 2006
A New Woman
Here it is, fifteen minutes before the grading deadline, and I have just submitted my grades online. I almost missed it because I didn't realize noon was the deadline--I thought it would be like 5 o'clock or something. So for the last 45 minutes or so I've been frantically putting everything in order, logging on, and submitting my grades. If I had had any computer problems or internet hang-ups, I would have been screwed! I was almost screwed anyway. If I had decided to take a shower before double-checking that email about the deadline... I shudder to think.
So. This is it. I am stepping out of the sarcasm I usually reserve for this blog and becoming earnest for a moment. You are all witness to my new resolution to get control of my procrastination. It has been slipping and sliding this year into a truly unmanageable problem. I have been making excuses about being in grad school and being unhappy and having writer's block, but now it's all over. I will face facts. I am lazy. I would rather read a good book or watch Buffy than do my work. I would rather organize my soup cans alphabetically than do my work.
But no more. I am an adult and it is time for me to be responsible. I will spend my spring break productively. When the term starts, I will do my reading and prepare thoroughly for class. I will go to bed at a decent hour and get up the first time my alarm clock goes off. I will spend less time on Spider Solitaire and Buffy. I will respond promptly to my students' emails and keep my teaching files neater. God help me, I will put my book away until my work is done! So resolve I.
0 comments
So. This is it. I am stepping out of the sarcasm I usually reserve for this blog and becoming earnest for a moment. You are all witness to my new resolution to get control of my procrastination. It has been slipping and sliding this year into a truly unmanageable problem. I have been making excuses about being in grad school and being unhappy and having writer's block, but now it's all over. I will face facts. I am lazy. I would rather read a good book or watch Buffy than do my work. I would rather organize my soup cans alphabetically than do my work.
But no more. I am an adult and it is time for me to be responsible. I will spend my spring break productively. When the term starts, I will do my reading and prepare thoroughly for class. I will go to bed at a decent hour and get up the first time my alarm clock goes off. I will spend less time on Spider Solitaire and Buffy. I will respond promptly to my students' emails and keep my teaching files neater. God help me, I will put my book away until my work is done! So resolve I.
Labels: grad school
0 commentsSunday, March 26, 2006
| You Are 28% Evil |
 A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil. |
Friday, March 24, 2006
I was a little slow this year in getting a calendar. Often I get one for Christmas, or come across one in my Christmas shopping that catches my eye or corresponds to some new interest of mine. But this year that didn't really happen. Don't worry, I'm not informing you of a recent calendar purchase. I did get this years calendar a couple months ago--although I believe it was well into January. No, the reason for this post is that this year's calendar is a baking calendar, with a new chocolate recipe every month, and tonight I am making my first calendar-chocolate-baking-extraordinaire dessert--a marbled cheesecake.
The picture looks delightful, so here's hoping it will turn out as close to the picture as possible. I'm planning on bringing it to a grad-student get-together tomorrow night, and I'm hoping to impress. Cheesecake is probably the most difficult thing to make without a mixer (and no, this isn't a plea for someone to get me a mixer--I actually enjoy mixing things by hand...for some reason.) Anyway, whipping up cream cheese takes some elbow grease, but it's in the oven now, with about seven minutes to go. I also get to make some little mini-cheesecakes just for me with the leftover batter. Yum!
I turned in my final, final, complete, no more to be revised for ever and ever draft of my Figures of Desire paper. I did enjoy rereading Sonnets from the Portuguese for this paper--well, reading them for the first time straight through, really. I got them from Steph for a Christmas present (or birthday?) long ago in high school days when I was obsessed with Barrett Browning's "Proof and Disproof." And I love the edition and the inscription, but I never really got the Sonnets, other than the one everyone reads and quotes--the one that begins "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." I tried to read random ones here and there--and they are beautiful--but it takes some focus and patience to read through the whole bunch at once to have a sense of the entire project. But this week, I did that. And they were lovely. Not too many of them are suitable for wedding invitations or Valentine's Day cards, as you might imagine. Anyway, after this recent reading, here is my new favorite: Sonnet XXVI
I lived with visions for my company
Instead of men and women, years ago,
And found them gentle mates, nor thought to know
A sweeter music than they played to me.
But soon their trailing purple was not free
Of this world's dust, --their lutes did silent grow,
And I myself grew faint and blind below
Their vanishing eyes. Then THOU didst come . . . to be,
Beloved, what they seemed. Their shining fronts,
Their songs, their splendors, (better, yet the same,
As river-water hallowed into fonts)
Met in thee, and from out thee overcame
My soul with satisfaction of all wants--
Because God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame.
The picture looks delightful, so here's hoping it will turn out as close to the picture as possible. I'm planning on bringing it to a grad-student get-together tomorrow night, and I'm hoping to impress. Cheesecake is probably the most difficult thing to make without a mixer (and no, this isn't a plea for someone to get me a mixer--I actually enjoy mixing things by hand...for some reason.) Anyway, whipping up cream cheese takes some elbow grease, but it's in the oven now, with about seven minutes to go. I also get to make some little mini-cheesecakes just for me with the leftover batter. Yum!
I turned in my final, final, complete, no more to be revised for ever and ever draft of my Figures of Desire paper. I did enjoy rereading Sonnets from the Portuguese for this paper--well, reading them for the first time straight through, really. I got them from Steph for a Christmas present (or birthday?) long ago in high school days when I was obsessed with Barrett Browning's "Proof and Disproof." And I love the edition and the inscription, but I never really got the Sonnets, other than the one everyone reads and quotes--the one that begins "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." I tried to read random ones here and there--and they are beautiful--but it takes some focus and patience to read through the whole bunch at once to have a sense of the entire project. But this week, I did that. And they were lovely. Not too many of them are suitable for wedding invitations or Valentine's Day cards, as you might imagine. Anyway, after this recent reading, here is my new favorite: Sonnet XXVI
I lived with visions for my company
Instead of men and women, years ago,
And found them gentle mates, nor thought to know
A sweeter music than they played to me.
But soon their trailing purple was not free
Of this world's dust, --their lutes did silent grow,
And I myself grew faint and blind below
Their vanishing eyes. Then THOU didst come . . . to be,
Beloved, what they seemed. Their shining fronts,
Their songs, their splendors, (better, yet the same,
As river-water hallowed into fonts)
Met in thee, and from out thee overcame
My soul with satisfaction of all wants--
Because God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame.
Labels: cooking, grad school, literature, poetry
0 commentsWednesday, March 22, 2006
I discovered a new plant store today--sells houseplants, pots, trays, accoutrements etcetera. I got six new plants: an asparagus fern and five succulents, including an aloe vera plant. I love houseplants. When I get a real house, I'll add on a glassy conservatory with a wicker couch and tile floor with drains, and a sprinkler system. And every morning I'll have tea in there before going to work on my next book.
0 comments
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Why can't you get regular crunchy peanut butter? All I can ever find are creamy and extra crunchy (which is like trying to spread chopped peanuts on your Eggo.) Yet another case of the marketing department trying just a little too hard.
0 comments
Monday, March 20, 2006
Hey!! I'm back! All rested up and ready to blog. I turned in my second paper on Friday, and then spent all day Friday with the fam, hanging out at my favorite place on earth--McDowell Creek Park--then going out to dinner and off to see Into the Woods, starring (among others) Steph. Then Sunday was church, frantic grading and meetings with my students. And today, well, yes, today...
Today, I went to the beach. No reason, just because I wanted to. I had chowder at Mo's, went to four or five used bookstores, watched the ocean for awhile, had lots of coffee, and even did a little (little) bit of grading. It was very nice. I took a new route there, actually, through Alsea. That was a bit of a mistake. It looks faster on the map, but the map doesn't show all the 20mph curves and hills that you have to drive around. I was pretty, though, and I saw some kind of wildlife--a couple of bobcats, maybe, or coyotes? It was hard to see them. They moved a bit like deer, but were smaller and less leggy than deer. Also, I drove by a goat farm and saw two goats standing balanced on two narrow stumps about two feet off the ground, just staring at each other. Like a couple of kids playing king of the mountain. Very cute. Someday I want goats. And what's with the Alsea River? There are miles--miles!--out in the middle of nowhere where the river is just lined with all these posh houses. Why would you build a house that is absolutely no where near a decent grocery store but is two feet away from another house on either side? I mean, if you want to live in the sticks near a river, there are lots of less-occupied rivers in Oregon, and if you want to live in the suburbs, well, at least get a Starbucks out of the deal, right? Granted, the river was really pretty, but no thanks to the "Alsea Riviera" all around it.
Anyway, it's been awhile since I've had a good day of bookstore browsing, so today was sorely needed. I swear, though, every last one of those bookstores was run by the same old guy grumpily going over receipts. How is that possible?
As for school stuff, I got a decent grade on one of my papers, and I still have a second draft of the other one to turn in, but the first draft came back with pretty good comments, so the term is looking pretty good grade-wise. Not that my GPA is concerning me in the least these days--GPA obsession is one of the many things I lost along with my sweet undergrad innocence. But it's at least nice to know that I'll not be leaving here in disgrace in the spring. Oh, also, I got quite a good review from a peer-evaluator of my teaching. So there's one thing I'm good at. Whew.
Spring break next week will be a lovely mixture of making money, having fun with the munchkins, class prep, job applications, and reading the following books:
The God of Small Things--Arundhati Roy
The Big Over Easy--Jasper Fforde
The Mysteries of Udolpho--Ann Radcliffe
Princess Academy--Shannon Hale
Small Wonder--Barbara Kingsolver
Harry Potter 4 through ??
The Will of the Empress--Tamora Pierce (if I can get ahold of it)
That's the plan--we'll see how far I get.
Speaking of which, I'm kind of itching to get started, so that will have to be all for now. Ta ta.
Today, I went to the beach. No reason, just because I wanted to. I had chowder at Mo's, went to four or five used bookstores, watched the ocean for awhile, had lots of coffee, and even did a little (little) bit of grading. It was very nice. I took a new route there, actually, through Alsea. That was a bit of a mistake. It looks faster on the map, but the map doesn't show all the 20mph curves and hills that you have to drive around. I was pretty, though, and I saw some kind of wildlife--a couple of bobcats, maybe, or coyotes? It was hard to see them. They moved a bit like deer, but were smaller and less leggy than deer. Also, I drove by a goat farm and saw two goats standing balanced on two narrow stumps about two feet off the ground, just staring at each other. Like a couple of kids playing king of the mountain. Very cute. Someday I want goats. And what's with the Alsea River? There are miles--miles!--out in the middle of nowhere where the river is just lined with all these posh houses. Why would you build a house that is absolutely no where near a decent grocery store but is two feet away from another house on either side? I mean, if you want to live in the sticks near a river, there are lots of less-occupied rivers in Oregon, and if you want to live in the suburbs, well, at least get a Starbucks out of the deal, right? Granted, the river was really pretty, but no thanks to the "Alsea Riviera" all around it.
Anyway, it's been awhile since I've had a good day of bookstore browsing, so today was sorely needed. I swear, though, every last one of those bookstores was run by the same old guy grumpily going over receipts. How is that possible?
As for school stuff, I got a decent grade on one of my papers, and I still have a second draft of the other one to turn in, but the first draft came back with pretty good comments, so the term is looking pretty good grade-wise. Not that my GPA is concerning me in the least these days--GPA obsession is one of the many things I lost along with my sweet undergrad innocence. But it's at least nice to know that I'll not be leaving here in disgrace in the spring. Oh, also, I got quite a good review from a peer-evaluator of my teaching. So there's one thing I'm good at. Whew.
Spring break next week will be a lovely mixture of making money, having fun with the munchkins, class prep, job applications, and reading the following books:
The God of Small Things--Arundhati Roy
The Big Over Easy--Jasper Fforde
The Mysteries of Udolpho--Ann Radcliffe
Princess Academy--Shannon Hale
Small Wonder--Barbara Kingsolver
Harry Potter 4 through ??
The Will of the Empress--Tamora Pierce (if I can get ahold of it)
That's the plan--we'll see how far I get.
Speaking of which, I'm kind of itching to get started, so that will have to be all for now. Ta ta.
Labels: beach, books, grad school, used bookstores
0 commentsMonday, March 13, 2006
Don't you love break-throughs? I just had a wonderful moment of inspiration regarding my second seminar paper--a thesis, in fact, which if you remember from last term's rant on seminar paper writing, is definitely half the battle.
So, yes, as you may have guessed, it's the end of the term, which means that all my writing powers are being channeled into the writing of seminar papers, which leaves precious little for blogging. Just a few more days, though, and I should have a little more brainpower to spare for you, and I've been jotting down notes of things to blog about, so I should have some good material. :)
8:50 edit...
4 1/2 pages! That's how much I've written since I came up with my thesis! And a detailed outline! This just doesn't happen, people! Hmm, maybe my barista slipped some Felix Felicis* in my latte...
*Harry Potter reference for the civilians
So, yes, as you may have guessed, it's the end of the term, which means that all my writing powers are being channeled into the writing of seminar papers, which leaves precious little for blogging. Just a few more days, though, and I should have a little more brainpower to spare for you, and I've been jotting down notes of things to blog about, so I should have some good material. :)
8:50 edit...
4 1/2 pages! That's how much I've written since I came up with my thesis! And a detailed outline! This just doesn't happen, people! Hmm, maybe my barista slipped some Felix Felicis* in my latte...
*Harry Potter reference for the civilians
Labels: grad school, HP
0 commentsTuesday, March 07, 2006
I called my students sheep today in class.
It didn't go over well.
But they deserved it.
I'll let you know how that turns out.
It didn't go over well.
But they deserved it.
I'll let you know how that turns out.
Labels: teaching
0 commentsMonday, March 06, 2006
I just can't get over that picture. I've logged on to look at it like 6 times since I posted it this afternoon and I just crack up every time! It's far too funny.
0 comments
So last night I blew off homework and instead went to an Oscar "party" held by one of my classmates. This so-called party ended up just being me and her--apparently everyone else in the program is taking their seminar papers a lot more seriously than we are. I did miss the pre-show for being at the library, though, so give me some credit. Anyway, it was still fun to watch the Academy Awards, although this year they perhaps should have been called the "Stroke George Clooney's Ego Awards."
Anyway, my absolute favorite part was when Jennifer Garner stumbled over her dress on the way to the microphone, giggled, curtsied, and quipped, "Thank you, thank you, I do my own stunts." I just love her. Even if she is with Ben Affleck.
Let's see, other highlights... My aunt will be happy that Crash won best picture. I'm happy for it--I don't think I had seen any of the other nominees, but Crash was quite good. Reese Witherspoon spent most of her acceptance speech talking like she had just won Miss Tennessee instead of Best Actress. Sometimes she's just a little to cute to take seriously. Especially when she starts to tear up. I kept flashing back to Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality when she's making fun of the pageant contestants in the airplane. I did like the part at the end about "trying to matter," though. I was happy that Rachel Weisz won for Constant Gardener--I loved her in that. Her speech was good, too.
Um, ok, Lauren Bacall? Was she on something? Because that was not normal. Meryl Streep was hilarious, though, in her little skit with...whoever that other person was. And you had to love the constant "Please, Please, PLEASE start watching movies on the big screen again, people, because our box office stats sucked this year" speeches.
Jon Steward did well as the host--better than anyone I've seen in awhile. He's so good at making you feel like, if you don't laugh at his joke, it's because you didn't get it, not because it wasn't funny. Which is what most of the audience seemed to think. I thought he was hilarious, though--his whole speech on pirating (he pointed to the Armani- and Prada-dressed audience and cried "These are the people you're stealing from..."), the Oscar campaign ads, and the jokes about liberal Hollywood. He was funny.
And the awards for best dresses go to...
Salma Hayek, for that cool off-center blue dress
Keira Knightley, for looking classy and gorgeous
Jennifer Garner, for picking a dress she would trip over and thus making me laugh for days every time I think of it
Ziyi Zhang, for that lovely black and white skirt
Helena Bonham Carter for cool hair, though I realize I'm in the minority here
and finally, everyone with pockets in their dresses, which includes Sandra Bullock, Amy Adams, and Maggie Gyllenhaal
Weirdest dresses include:
Naomi Watts, who looked like she was wearing a dress of knotted tulle rags. Hmm, maybe Kong got ahold of it...
and Charlize Theron, with that ridiculous bow
And that's all, folks. Long live Hollywood!
Anyway, my absolute favorite part was when Jennifer Garner stumbled over her dress on the way to the microphone, giggled, curtsied, and quipped, "Thank you, thank you, I do my own stunts." I just love her. Even if she is with Ben Affleck.
Let's see, other highlights... My aunt will be happy that Crash won best picture. I'm happy for it--I don't think I had seen any of the other nominees, but Crash was quite good. Reese Witherspoon spent most of her acceptance speech talking like she had just won Miss Tennessee instead of Best Actress. Sometimes she's just a little to cute to take seriously. Especially when she starts to tear up. I kept flashing back to Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality when she's making fun of the pageant contestants in the airplane. I did like the part at the end about "trying to matter," though. I was happy that Rachel Weisz won for Constant Gardener--I loved her in that. Her speech was good, too.
Um, ok, Lauren Bacall? Was she on something? Because that was not normal. Meryl Streep was hilarious, though, in her little skit with...whoever that other person was. And you had to love the constant "Please, Please, PLEASE start watching movies on the big screen again, people, because our box office stats sucked this year" speeches.
Jon Steward did well as the host--better than anyone I've seen in awhile. He's so good at making you feel like, if you don't laugh at his joke, it's because you didn't get it, not because it wasn't funny. Which is what most of the audience seemed to think. I thought he was hilarious, though--his whole speech on pirating (he pointed to the Armani- and Prada-dressed audience and cried "These are the people you're stealing from..."), the Oscar campaign ads, and the jokes about liberal Hollywood. He was funny.
And the awards for best dresses go to...
Salma Hayek, for that cool off-center blue dress
Keira Knightley, for looking classy and gorgeous
Jennifer Garner, for picking a dress she would trip over and thus making me laugh for days every time I think of it
Ziyi Zhang, for that lovely black and white skirt
Helena Bonham Carter for cool hair, though I realize I'm in the minority here
and finally, everyone with pockets in their dresses, which includes Sandra Bullock, Amy Adams, and Maggie Gyllenhaal
Weirdest dresses include:
Naomi Watts, who looked like she was wearing a dress of knotted tulle rags. Hmm, maybe Kong got ahold of it...
and Charlize Theron, with that ridiculous bow
And that's all, folks. Long live Hollywood!
Labels: TV
0 commentsSaturday, March 04, 2006
I've been reading newspaper reviews** by contemporaries of Elizabeth Barrett Browning who are reviewing her poems, and they're really making my day. Gotta love those Victorians. Here's a few gems:
From Graham's American Monthly Magazine in 1851:
"Her mind is certainly one of the largest ever deposited in a woman's head."
From The Tablet in 1856 on Aurora Leigh:
"The femme incomprise, the artist workwoman, the high-souled female with 'a mission,' is a terrible companion in a journey of twelve thousand lines."
Perhaps this is because, according to the article "Mrs. Barrett Browning" in 1857, Aurora has no "true womanly tenderness."
An always popular assertion in the Saturday Review of Politics, Literature, Science, and Art , also from 1856:
"a woman cannot be a great poet"
And in a similar vein, from the same magazine in 1861, Aurora Leigh shows "the most conclusive proof that no woman can hope to achieve what Mrs. Browning failed to accomplish."
The North American Review didn't believe EBB accomplished as much as a man would have, but condescended to say that she at least showed "what a woman is, and ... what she may do in her own exalted and luminous sphere."
North British Review calls her "woman's nearest approach to a great poet" in 1862.
Of course, Aurora Leigh "could never have been written by Elizabeth Barrett--only by Mrs. Robert Browning," says the Quarto (1896).
And my personal favorite: EBB is "not really a thinker; woman-like, she felt first, and the attempt to translate her feeling into thought was an error." Courtesy of The Age of Tennyson in 1897.
** in Elizabeth Barrett Browning: An Annotated Bibliography of the Commentary and Criticism, 1826-1990; Ed. Sandra Donaldson.
From Graham's American Monthly Magazine in 1851:
"Her mind is certainly one of the largest ever deposited in a woman's head."
From The Tablet in 1856 on Aurora Leigh:
"The femme incomprise, the artist workwoman, the high-souled female with 'a mission,' is a terrible companion in a journey of twelve thousand lines."
Perhaps this is because, according to the article "Mrs. Barrett Browning" in 1857, Aurora has no "true womanly tenderness."
An always popular assertion in the Saturday Review of Politics, Literature, Science, and Art , also from 1856:
"a woman cannot be a great poet"
And in a similar vein, from the same magazine in 1861, Aurora Leigh shows "the most conclusive proof that no woman can hope to achieve what Mrs. Browning failed to accomplish."
The North American Review didn't believe EBB accomplished as much as a man would have, but condescended to say that she at least showed "what a woman is, and ... what she may do in her own exalted and luminous sphere."
North British Review calls her "woman's nearest approach to a great poet" in 1862.
Of course, Aurora Leigh "could never have been written by Elizabeth Barrett--only by Mrs. Robert Browning," says the Quarto (1896).
And my personal favorite: EBB is "not really a thinker; woman-like, she felt first, and the attempt to translate her feeling into thought was an error." Courtesy of The Age of Tennyson in 1897.
** in Elizabeth Barrett Browning: An Annotated Bibliography of the Commentary and Criticism, 1826-1990; Ed. Sandra Donaldson.
Labels: literature
0 comments
Seriously. How can something this cute even exist?
Wouldn't it just spontaneously combust of its own cuteness? 0 comments
Wouldn't it just spontaneously combust of its own cuteness? 0 comments
Thursday, March 02, 2006
I offer up for discussion this article from Boundless webzine* : "The Cost of Delaying Marriage." It articulates some of the things I've been thinking about recently, especially since I have a certain sibling who will be getting married soon, at the ripe young age of 21. Although I'm not sure that I am in line completely with Crittenden's argument, some points resonate all too clearly.
For example, I definitely identified with this:
I don't know--I mean, I've certainly developed as a person in a way that may not have happened had I not been forced to be more self-reliant in the past few years. And when I think back to the kind of person I probably would have picked at the age of 19 or 20, it's a bit scary. On the other hand, though, when you find someone early, I think you tend to grow and develop together, which would certainly reinforce a closeness that might not be possible for two people who had been independent for 8 or 10 adult years. Plus, there's always this:
Anyway, read the rest. Tell me what you think.
* Found the link via Bridget Jones Seminary.
postscript: Meg claims this article essentially "call[s] singleness a sin," which I don't exactly see. However, I do think the article paints the single life quite grimly. It also implies that everyone who is single at the age of 30 is single because she turned down 25 offers of marriage at the age of 20 in favor of a career, which of course isn't the case. Also, although it is may be a reality that "men are more sight oriented than women and that looks matter a great deal to men when it comes to issues of attraction" (Watters*), I get frustrated when we equate what is with what should be. We don't say "Women are innately inclined to gossip, therefore God made them to be gossipy, therefore we should permit (encourage?) them to gossip." Yet, that's exactly what we do with these kinds of issues when we say things like this: "But to suggest that men should forgo externals and focus instead on deep emotional connections is to ask men to think like women." (Watters) Doesn't arguing that women need to go out there and manipulate men into marriage by holding out our sexuality as a bribe (i.e. "...men don't buy a cow when they're getting the milk for free. If you're having sex outside of marriage, you're diminishing your sexual power and your ability to find a good match" (Watters **)) turn courtship into some kind of elaborate transaction. Moreover, it recalls all the values of the Victorian "Angel in the House" mentality: that is, women are sexless angelic beings who are required to tame men from the animals they are naturally into productive members of society.
Hmm, okay, I guess this is the real end to this post. I could talk about it a whole lot more, but I still have papers that need grading. I'm aware that some of you won't like this, and also that I definitely don't have all the answers. Therefore I invite you read these articles yourself and give me your opinion. (If the comment box is too small, email me and I'll post your comment.
*Candice Z. Watters in "Defending 'The Cost of Delaying Marriage'" Boundless.
**Watters. "Finding A Husband" Boundless.
For example, I definitely identified with this:
I remember having, in my early 20s, long and passionate conversations with my female friends about our need to be strong, to stand alone, to retain our independence and never compromise our souls by succumbing to domesticity. And yet at the same time, we constantly felt the need to shore each other up. We’d come across passages in books – paeans to the autonomy of the individual, replete with metaphors of lighthouses, mountains, the sea, etc. – copy them out carefully (in purple ink, on arty cards), and mail them to each other. [Ok, I promise I've never done this.] It was as if despite our passion for independence, despite our confidence in ourselves as independent women, we somehow feared that even a gentle gust of wind blowing from the opposite direction would send us spiraling back into the 1950s, a decade none of us had experienced first-hand but one that could induce shudders all the same.
Our skittishness was all the more surprising given that most of my friends’ mothers, as well as my own, worked at interesting jobs and had absorbed as deeply as we had the cultural messages of the time. When I look back upon it, I think our youthful yearning to fall in love must have been enormously strong and at war with our equally fierce determination to stay free. We were fighting as much a battle against ourselves as against the snares of domesticity. And if one of us were to give way, the rest would feel weakened in our own inner struggles, betrayed by our friend’s abandonment of the supposedly happy, autonomous life.
I don't know--I mean, I've certainly developed as a person in a way that may not have happened had I not been forced to be more self-reliant in the past few years. And when I think back to the kind of person I probably would have picked at the age of 19 or 20, it's a bit scary. On the other hand, though, when you find someone early, I think you tend to grow and develop together, which would certainly reinforce a closeness that might not be possible for two people who had been independent for 8 or 10 adult years. Plus, there's always this:
Alas, it’s usually at precisely this moment – when a single woman looks up from her work and realizes she’s ready to take on family life – that men make themselves most absent. This is when the cruelty of her singleness really sets in, when she becomes aware of the fine print in the unwritten bargain she has cut with the opposite sex. Men will outlast her.
Anyway, read the rest. Tell me what you think.
* Found the link via Bridget Jones Seminary.
postscript: Meg claims this article essentially "call[s] singleness a sin," which I don't exactly see. However, I do think the article paints the single life quite grimly. It also implies that everyone who is single at the age of 30 is single because she turned down 25 offers of marriage at the age of 20 in favor of a career, which of course isn't the case. Also, although it is may be a reality that "men are more sight oriented than women and that looks matter a great deal to men when it comes to issues of attraction" (Watters*), I get frustrated when we equate what is with what should be. We don't say "Women are innately inclined to gossip, therefore God made them to be gossipy, therefore we should permit (encourage?) them to gossip." Yet, that's exactly what we do with these kinds of issues when we say things like this: "But to suggest that men should forgo externals and focus instead on deep emotional connections is to ask men to think like women." (Watters) Doesn't arguing that women need to go out there and manipulate men into marriage by holding out our sexuality as a bribe (i.e. "...men don't buy a cow when they're getting the milk for free. If you're having sex outside of marriage, you're diminishing your sexual power and your ability to find a good match" (Watters **)) turn courtship into some kind of elaborate transaction. Moreover, it recalls all the values of the Victorian "Angel in the House" mentality: that is, women are sexless angelic beings who are required to tame men from the animals they are naturally into productive members of society.
Hmm, okay, I guess this is the real end to this post. I could talk about it a whole lot more, but I still have papers that need grading. I'm aware that some of you won't like this, and also that I definitely don't have all the answers. Therefore I invite you read these articles yourself and give me your opinion. (If the comment box is too small, email me and I'll post your comment.
*Candice Z. Watters in "Defending 'The Cost of Delaying Marriage'" Boundless.
**Watters. "Finding A Husband" Boundless.
Labels: Christian sub-culture, rants
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